I’m transitioning male to female but my gran is the only person who doesn’t know

DEAR DEIDRE:I STARTED transitioning male to female a year ago and it has gone really well so far.

But I’m really close to my grandmother and she is the only person in my family who doesn’t know yet. 

She was recently diagnosed with cancer and I’m not sure how long she will be around for.

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Over the last year I’ve focused on socially transitioning so I’ve grown my hair, changed my name and have started using the she/her pronouns.

I’m 22 and Gran is 79.

My immediate family have been brilliantly supportive.

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The next stage is that I will need to medically transition and then it will be visibly obvious that I’m changing.

I don’t want to stress my grandmother out but I also want her to know the real me. 

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DEIDRE SAYS: You are obviously a very considerate person, thinking of your grandmother first.

 Whatever your gender you are still the same person she has loved watching grow up.

As you say, your transition will soon become physically apparent so trying to hide what you are going through could be more difficult and potentially hurtful for her.

Honesty as a rule is the best path but please do get expert help on how to tackle this.

Please contact LGBT (, 0345 3 30 30 30), a charity that offers help for those in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans community. 

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